Baby's first blog

I am finally getting around to writing a blog about the baby. She was born on the
7th this month. She weighed 8 lbs. It partially explains how much pain I was in. I didn't remember half of it: part pain and part medicated. Like the typical female, I have had my own imagination of what giving birth might be like. It was as scary as it sounded, if not worse. It was worse because some of it had been my own expectations and ideals, and the rest is that my life in entirety isn't how I want it to be. Besides my preconception and imagination vs. my reality is the pro's and con's of life overall. I have been observing a lot of things and one of the things I've observed in this instance is the idea of pregnancy and having a child itself. While there are so many things in life that vary in severity, and on the other hand, where some things are priceless, having a child is one major instance in life. Some people have miscarriages. Some people have planned for years to have a baby and have made many attempts. Some people either abort or give a child up for adoption..... There are just several routes where in some cases there is no control over how things work out when having a child. In my case, although she wasn't planned, I got lucky. My life as a whole isn't lucky at all in my eyes, but in having her, I do feel lucky.
Another con I have to really work on is the concept of ~faking it to make it.~ I know there are going to be a lot of moments that will not be easy or that I won't always know how to handle. I have to really brainstorm, organize, and strengthen myself to think of ways to live through life where I am now and how it is. It is like the worst has happened but life is not over and I continue to get challenged with violence, mind games, and obstacles that really make no sense.
I just hope mostly that my life will not continue to be damned in having a job or having anything else at all that I would want out of life to be damned.
I'm mostly satisfied with baby songs that I picked out, but I wish I would have found more songs to relate and match how I feel. They do for the most part, but I wish I could have found more.
I was so excited today when her first official card came in the mail today with her name on it. It will be awhile before I get the birth certificate and social security. I have yet to look up what happened to the newspaper. This is only the beginning of the second week of her life. I'm still in my own recovery from the birth and exhausted. There is so much ahead to brainstorm and figure out. Besides some tiredness and headaches, I'm so happy to have her in my life. I feel so lucky and she's such a blessing to me.
I may have more stories later or things to remember about the day and how it has been thus far, but I think I'm finished writing for now.




My little cuddle bug

Literal baby's first

It was a figurative expression of the title. One of these days, I am going to reorganize my blogsite and have some different titles for different blog postings. Anyway, this has been another busy week. The baby shower is this Saturday, so I will probably have more pics to post after that. I have finally finished a blanket and a baby sweater. I will eventually make some matching baby hats. I just have to do a show and tell to brag for my knitting craftsmanship and baby:





And this is me today at about 33 weeks. 7 or 8 more to go! ahhhhhh!

Ahem

Wow. wow.
I don't remember much from last night because I was in a deep sleep, but I do remember that I had night terrors, but I don't remember what they were of. I was definitely being chased by someone; it wasn't seductive, it was murderously chilling. I do remember waking up a couple of times to see Fox News, but I really do not remember everything. There was a reporter that looked like you before I fell back asleep and eventually changed my TV to CNN's Anderson Cooper.
Anyway, the retweeted twitter of "Sarahchalette," or whatever was an obvious enough message for me that you definitely are stalking me and know where I live.

My only guess of your intentions is to bring cruelty for reasons unknown. There is always the excuse with the "mo" issue which is obvious. I really think you have another agenda and are angry at something that really isn't related to something I did when I was a kid.
Maybe you're mad at my reaction to the show and you are displacing your anger. Maybe you are capitalizing with some sort of offense with what I may have said about Megan Fox or someone else. I'm pretty clueless at what your cruelty is for.
Anyway, you have now shifted my perception to see you much differently. I don't give you a complete number and label but I put you in the category of the wealthy who can pretty much get away with anything for the fact that they are wealthy. I have already thought the abuse and cruelty has been ridiculous, I grow more numb to it each day even though some "rightly" punishments progress into increased hostility and vileness. If it was something that I "should" be seriously murdered for, I'm sure someone would have murdered me by now, but I think if it is something that I will eventually get murdered for, I think it will make the cruel people look even more foolish in their authoritarianism.

If this really is meant as seduction: some sort of club, hook, or capture, I dream of the day when things are done differently. I am straight but am cold for the very fact of how I am captured and treated. It gives others the impression that I'm gay with the way I treat men in return, but I am the type who is angry, silent, offended, and silently hostile when I get treated the way that I get treated. I get more disgusted and find it sadistic when some people still push after that for me to be "happy" or "grateful." I don't know if you will take it far as other people do where you become Lars and I your blow up doll, but I'm not afraid to be a little more exposing to put a more pressured spotlight on you.

Another day's hardwork

I am happy with some sales. Last week was better, but today turned out to be better than what I had thought at first.
Such a cold day. I'll have to be better prepared for next week's weather.
There will always be perverts and some kind of conflict, but this week was not as bad. The only conflict this week is both major and minor.
It is another issue of racism. I'm not the one who made the remark, and the guy who made the remark didn't have any strong racial suggestions, so I couldn't give any kind of firm response.
Mexico vs. Italy
If this is about Eva vs. Angelina, I think people are taking it way too far with a beauty contest. I simply said I think they are the top beautiful women in my book. It isn't anything serious. I guess it was both mature/immature comment to make at the time I made it. Immature because I enabled a beauty contest a little more. Mature because it was simple opinion and the competition over something was based on a competition of beauty that was irrelevant at the setting. I used it against her.
Anyway, I like both countries. I don't want any hard racial feelings against either. I can't see what there is to mediate. I only have my assumption based on facts and general stereotypes.
The facts with wealth are that Italy is obviously more wealthy, but in more factual matter is the fault of poverty and wealth. I don't want poverty and wealth to have to be the ultimate divider or crux, but I will say that Mexican and Hispanic people are not known to be lazy. I will also remind the point that there are still European nations that are in poverty, and plenty of other continental nations that are in poverty.
Italy is one of the top fashion industries. I think popularity and materialism are some of the basic generalizations, but I know there is more to their culture than that. I think Italy is one of the countries who are known to have honest men and men of good character. There was a quote I read one time about what it means to be a man that was in an Italian book, but I do not remember the author or book. I remember how excited I got over it though. And I guess that is why Sarah sings in "Nine," to ~be Italian~.
At the same time, I'm not against the Mexican/Hispanic culture. I could hold a sexual harassment incident that happened in South Padre against the Hispanics, but I don't. Any race is capable of sexual harassment, even when Mexicans are known to be "dirty." I havn't forgotten about my excitement with Italians, but there is some things about dirty men and me being dirty myself that can turn me on too. I do have some turn ons that are my secret, but even Americans are known to be "dirty."



To continuously support my cry for individualization, everyone has their likes and dislikes regardless of nationality. A nation's culture still plays an imperative role, but that doesn't mean that an individual should still be swallowed by a number based on their culture.